Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
