Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
