I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
