wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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