I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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