Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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