This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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