She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
