Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i now understand why vodka
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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