yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
