maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
