2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
