Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
