he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
