Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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