Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
