He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
