I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
