Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
