Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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