i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
