omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
where am i from again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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