doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
