I got chris browned last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
