i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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