At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Success! We fucked roommates!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
