dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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