you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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