this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
