Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
