peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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