well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
