remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
