I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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