don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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