Already got asked if we're dating
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
