im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
