i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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