He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Boobs speak an international language.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
