he puts the penis in happiness.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
