dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
