they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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