you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
