i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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