Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's shark week go big or go home
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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