hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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