Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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