I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
