WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
