I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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