Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
