Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
